Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Drawing on the positive and looking forward

We’ve had a rough time recently, on Valentine’s Day we found out I was pregnant, but it wasn’t meant to be and two weeks later I miscarried. Physically and emotionally we are all OK now and we are starting to look forward and part of that looking forward has been drawing on the positives and finding the silver lining, for me that has been realising how supported I am. Matthew has been amazingly supportive and this has helped me heal emotionally and really strengthened our relationship, without his help I don’t think I would have coped so well, and my mum has also been so helpful with Seth, taking him out and entertaining him when I didn’t want to leave the house.

Some weird things have happened as well, the day after my first hospital visit but before anything had been diagnosed or confirmed, Seth came over to me with an imaginary package and put it on my tummy and told me to open it, I asked him what was in it and he said “powder (he means flour) and a tiny, tiny baby with wings flying away”, now, we hadn’t told him anything and he doesn't even know I was pregnant so this really took me back, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, I don’t really know what I think about souls and spirits and that kind of stuff but he’s got me thinking, that’s for sure! Another weird thing, or probably less weird but of a more primal, instinct type thing is that I really felt the need to stay at home, not just because I was sad, but because I felt protected and safe and now I am so desperate to get into nature, get my hands in soil, walk through woods and smell the dirt so that’s the plan, tomorrow on the Spring equinox I’m getting out of here before coming home for a Spring meal to talk of the season ahead. Gently turning the page and looking forward.

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